Quotes: Communication

Quotations

“Do you want my honest opinion?”
People ask. I say, “Yes,” for I’m curious.
So they give me their honest opinion;
And I—well, I’m always furious.

Airline Mechanical Problems

After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots complete complaint sheets that report problems to the mechanics about situations encountered with their aircraft during the flight which are considered in need of repairs or corrections. The forms are pieces of paper that the pilots complete and then the mechanics read and make corrections. They then respond in writing on the lower halves of the forms indicating any remedial actions that were taken and the pilots review the sheets before the next flights.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilot = The problem logged by the pilot.
Solution = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

Pilot: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That’s what they’re there for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution: Suspect you’re right.

Pilot: Number three engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Solution: Cat installed.

Contribution with unknown origin

The trouble with those who have nothing to say is that you have to listen too long to find out.

Don’t ever take a fence down until you know the reason why it was put up.

Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation.

Other Quotes, Quotation Units.